pregnancy halfway mark + deep thoughts :)

{20 Weeks}

In an effort to document this pregnancy, here are some thoughts about being 22 weeks pregnant with our second child.

• We are so excited to be having a boy. I had several dreams of him before we got the gender confirmation and he was a cute little guy with lots of dark hair. We'll see if he follows in Ellie's footsteps with her crazy, fun hair! Need a reminder? Check this out: 

{Ellie's 1-month-old mullet mohawk}

• Overall, I feel calmer this pregnancy. Not so obsessed with the dos and don'ts of pregnancy and the bazillion things that could go wrong. Not as scared about childbirth, and not as daunted by having a newborn. I don't feel the need to read any and every article or book about all things pregnancy and baby. But don't get me wrong. I still get major butterflies about everything. Just to a slightly lesser degree. And I'm really thankful for that.
• I am, however, a little reluctant to give up the time I have right now with just Ellie and I. I recently wrote this little letter that expresses my feelings about that better:  

Dear Ellie,

Right now, your cute little two-and-almost-a-half year-old self is taking a nap in your crib. My heart is so full of emotion for you right now that I have to get some of it down on paper. You can understand and sense a lot at your young age, but I hope you can comprehend the deep level of love I have for you, my sweet baby. You and I have such a strong bond. It is so special to me and I hope and pray we always have it. I miss you even when I am away from you for an hour. I always look forward to seeing you every morning when you wake up. You are so sweet to me. When I am sick, you get very compassionate and want to help me feel better by asking if I need medicine, a snack, tucking me in, singing me a song, and just being sweet and well-behaved while I take a little break.

You get so excited about things, and I love the enthusiastic “Yeah!” you let out when I suggest something fun to do or say I have something to show you. When I lay you in your crib at night, you ask what we are going to do the next day. You have so much energy and love for life. You always want to be doing something, discovering something and being a part of whatever I am up to.

You have a sensitive spirit, like my mom always told me I have. You sense the emotions people close to you are feeling and are very aware of what is going on around you. If someone is unkind to you, it affects you a lot. If when I am feeling emotional or on edge, you tend to take on the same mood and things can turn teary around here pretty quickly. I always feel so bad if I talk to you in a short or annoyed tone and I am trying to learn more patience so I don’t have to do that. I wish I could be a perfect mom for you because you deserve that. But I am trying every day to make you happy and help you grow and develop as much as possible. I want you to have a happy childhood and fulfilling life. You are the most important thing in the world to me.

I am so grateful for you in my life and I would never trade any experience, possession or anything for you and the richness you bring to my life. I love our days together. These days, we wake up and read books and snuggle together then play with your toys and pretend all sorts of things. You “do your makeup” on your stool in the bathroom next to me while I do mine. We eat breakfast together then go out and do whatever that day has in store for us — usually your tumbling tots class, story time at the library or visiting dad and running errands.  Most of the time, though, you would be content to stay at home all day and play (as long as I play with you!) I will always cherish the days we are having together just you and me, girl.

I know you will be such a good big sister and example to your little brother and that he will love and adore you like you will him. I am so glad you are in our family. No matter what happens in your life, always remember the deep love your mom and dad have for you and the even deeper love your Heavenly Father has for you. 

• Going back to my list, I am so grateful the baby inside me is healthy. Any mother who has given birth to a child knows that one of the truest miracles on earth is a whole, healthy baby. To know and witness that everything, inside and out, has come together perfectly, is no accident and it is a personal, powerful confirmation that there is a God.
• We had to get an extra precautionary ultrasound at the hospital the other day and the doctor could not stop commenting on how active baby boy was. He said something along the lines of, "you must have spunky babies." Oh I know, doc. I know.
• I can't believe spring is right around the corner, then summer will be here before we know it and we will be adding #2 to our family. So exciting and crazy. You parents of two, please don't hold back your helpful advice about the transition :)